Eating raw meat brought Temesgen joy. He was not who you might expect to see at a trauma healing event.
A commander-in-chief in the Ethiopian military, Temesgen had just seen combat in the north. Now he joined 30 other soldiers to attend a two-day healing program designed for them by SIL Ethiopia.
On the second day, he came in with red eyes – he clearly had not slept well. He explained, "You have just saved my marriage."
For ten years, commander-in-chief Temesgen and his wife had tried to have children. Finally, they had twins, and they celebrated and praised God for giving them these precious gifts.
But at the birth, they found out that the babies needed to stay in the hospital for special care. Four months they remained in the hospital, but the twins didn't survive.
Four years had now passed, and Temesgen's wife was still dealing with the shock and heartache. She would often cry and want to be left alone.
For the first time, he was able to identify her trauma as the cause of this behavior. He said, “On just the first day we learned the definition of trauma and how traumatized people behave, this really helped me to understand some of the things my wife feels and does.”
“On just the first day we learned the definition of trauma and how traumatized people behave, this really helped me to understand some of the things my wife feels and does.”
Chief Temesgen explained that when he went home after the first day of the healing group, his wife was not talking to him and didn't want to share a bed with him. Early on the second day, he was getting ready to come to the program and learned that his wife was packing her things and getting ready to leave him. "If it were before knowing what trauma can do to people, I would've fought with her to make her stay," he said, then continued, "But now that I understand her, the trauma of losing our twins made her feel useless and hopeless. Instead of arguing, I chose to listen to her, pray with her in loud cries, and share my painful feelings about it. This conversation led us to hug each other and cry on each other's shoulders."
“I love you and want to live with you, but if going away is what you want I can’t make you stay with me,” was Chief Temesgen’s final speech. Suddenly his wife changed her mind and asked him, “Do you want breakfast before you go to your program? I will choose the clothes you wear for that program, and I will be home waiting for you to come in the evening. I am not going anywhere.”
